EPZ

I thought I could completely desert this blog. The freedom that I enjoy in Wordpress doesn’t gratify my blogging needs. Read: ANONYMITY. There, I blog without pretense.

I will rip my chest open and also let you dissect my brain. My being will tell you that what’s eating me up right now is not Electrostatics. Not Strontium Titanate. Not my English10. I don’t know anything about this word and I hate myself because I am going to stain my prose for mentioning this: EMO.

That’s my mood. Pero I can assure you I am not suicidal. Yung tipong maglalaslas ng pulso. No. That’s extreme. Hahaha.

Recently, I have talked to old friends. mostly from Philippine Science. I consulted  with them matters of galactic importance. Referring to my own galaxy, of course.

“How do you un-think something?”

That was my first question.

“How will you know if something is essential?”

This was the second. A close friend said that it will be aptly answered by another question: “Will I be irresponsible if I don’t do this?”

The third one was:

“Why do I love to socialize with different kinds of people. Then I suddenly detach myself from the new crowd I am currently in?”

I choose my company. But don’t get me wrong. I am not quick in judging people. I just choose those who are worth my trust and respect. Trite as this may sound but this still holds, “Respect begets respect.” I wonder if someone can relate to what I am driving at. Excluding my close friends, of course.

I find it weird whenever I detach myself from a certain group. I don’t find them bland. I just can’t see myself grow. Nasasakal lang siguro ako. That hits the point.

(Digression: Nappressure ka lang a friend said to me. And for that I’d say: Thank you, smart guy. I laughed. His remark did not hit anything. Parang suntok sa buwan. Natuwa ako. Haha.)

I gravitate towards smart people. I love people who are intellectually stimulating. I love nonsensical talk sometimes, though. Basta. The conversation doesn’t always have to be highbrow. Maybe, I got used to be surrounded by people who can tell what I am thinking even without saying a word. Read: FREQUENCY.

I remember Jessica Zafra saying that “people of superior intelligence do have some difficulty relating to other people. Why? Because, they’re superior….”

Kill your malicious thoughts. I am not saying that I am superior.

Last week was a spiritual wormhole for me. My best bud knows why.

Madami nangyari. Sobra sobra. I am actually denying that certain things happened to me.

That leads us to the the last set of questions. Falling under one category.

Ano? Go figure.

The gist:

Officially, I am now single. I am trying to be happy now.

Di ako taksil. My best bud will agree.
Brod, thanks for bearing with me.

Salamat sa tropa ko.

Salamat sa samahan.

Mga kaibigan ko magpakailanman.

Baduy.

A famous radio announcer in Bicol is facing a problematic new year. Weeks before 2008, he was charged with raping the family’s housemaid. The case has reached the City Prosecutor’s Office, and I managed to read the testimonies of the victim’s camp. After successfully finding a “competent lawyer” to defend him, he then asked for a 10-day extension to file an explanation. I surmise he’s been receiving hate mails, and death threats since the news broke. I texted a good old friend about the news and he angrily replied, “Buti nga sa kanya. He’s been so mean to my father and even blabs out innuendos on air that my father is like this and like that.” Of course that’s not what my good ol’ friend exactly said. But it’s something like that. Never mind the quotation marks. Lol.

What makes this case important to me are the people involved. A friendship formed seven years ago. Just months ago, I crossed paths with my Grade 6 adviser. She asked me how I was doing and I told her the gist of what happened to me in seven long years. After my turn, she shared that she’s not into teaching anymore. She now enjoys a well-deserved promotion somewhere I can’t remember. She proudly added that our humble school still reigns in the division schools press conference and still reaps awards in the national level especially in copyreading and editorial writing. I stared at her and gave her a humorous frown. She reminded me that our batch was one of two in the history of her teaching career,  that broke the record for having only five delegates in the national, and for failing to claim the top spot in the division level. I stared at her again and gave her a humorous frown.We both laughed. I jokingly said that the reason why I didn’t make it to the top in the nationals was that she forced me to use her lucky, ink-puking red pen.  We laughed again. She also said she’s expecting me to take up Journalism. I explained things to her. Then she asked me if I could still remember Nikki Ayque, the sole delegate of Divine Word. I nodded and told my teacher that I can still remember the last text message I received from her seven years ago. It went like this, “Ingat kayo nina Tems, Tinay, Bernard..et al…I had a great time with you guys. Salamat. (Lots of smileys here).”

I sometimes think about my classmates and friends way back in elementary. Actually, I want to spearhead a reunion 10 years from now. By that time, I will have passed the Bar exams, or finished my Master’s, and had a stable job. I don’t know. What’s inside my head now is thinking about them, old friends. I also wonder if they miss me. I wonder if they google me. Lol. (Off the topic: I read in Newsweek that some award-giving body declared Google as the most useful word (the verb) )for 2007) Where was I? Ah, I wonder if they google me. Hahaha.

Now the father of a missed friend is charged with rape. And the case is assigned to my dear aunt. Every morning,  I eagerly ask my aunt about updates on the case. The latest news is that Ariel Ayque asked her for a 10-day extension to file his counter-affidavit. I want to express my sympathies to Nikki.
After seven years, Nikki and I have crossed paths again.  But I can’t exchange happy stories with her for now. I pray things would get better. The lesson here is that close ties shouldn’t get in the way of justice. Even if it means a not-so-happily ever after.
Actually, everyone’s lucky because my aunt will execute justice and also her decision will not falter despite a three-million peso bribe. Say what, Your Honor.

Have clean minds, for a change. I don’t mean anything with that.

Time check: one hour before January 3. Nikki’s father, the accused, is bound to file his explanation. The 10-day extension is over. And days from now, the case will be resolved. And lives will be changed forever. I mean for months, or years.

I deleted my previous post. It’s out of place.
Merry Christmas everyone.

I deleted all songs in my mp3. I replaced them all with groovy and supracool songs. Yehehey.

But there’s this track which I could not delete.

"Tulog na Mahal ko." Aargh. I think it’s protected by some viral shield. Ugh. I don’t know. To all computer savvy who happen to be reading this, sorry for the "viral shield."

Everytime I hear that song, I feel haunted. I dont exactly know why. Weird. I want to delete it, but it is devilishly undeletable. Sigh.

I thought I was indefatigable….
Now, I realized I am no superhero.
I am going home tomorrow. Weeee!!
It’s been long since the last time I went there.
And my system tells me that I have to reward myself a break.

Good thing.

Im going back to my sanctum. At long last.
Thank you.
We’re blessed.

We talk about different matters now. Matters which need to be dealt with much openness and maturity. The topics have changed now. And we feel that we really are growing up. Im happy to have a friend like you. You make me feel free.

I have never unbosomed myself this much to anyone else except to you. You see, I can’t even write it down here. This seems vague to other readers, well this entry is dedicated to a good friend. You can blackmail me now. I never thought we would be this close. We were arch-enemies before. This is ridiculous. Ha-ha.

This friend of mine is notoriously known as _______. Peace bro. Haha.

I recently watched two movies. I was moved. Amazing.

The Count of Monte Cristo
This movie adaptation is quite a thing of the past(2002). Apologies. I managed to watch it just yesterday. Well, Jessica Zafra’s right. The movie is always inferior to the book.
"God will give me justice."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOq_AhuXi_8

Brokeback Mountain
We watched it in Chi-Alpha student centre last Saturday. This is a quality film tackling a very sensitive issue. This is so sensitive a topic. I’d rather not comment on this. This is one good movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x68vJxc0pAM

I love his style. He is one of the many poets I admire. I have been enamored reading his works since the first time I came across a sample of his genius.

Pablo Neruda.

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. —Henry David Thoreau

Let me share to you this. This was discussed in our Temperaments seminar….

Excerpted from Please Understand Me II
by David Keirsey

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong. 

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view. 

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly. 

Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be. 

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you. 

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offsping, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right — for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.

I’ve been into queer situations many times. And whenever things like these occur to me, I am always left in a daze. I always don’t know what to do. I always end up smiling when I am not supposed to. Now that’s scary.

Last night, Emy and I ate out in our usual place. In this particular spot in LB square, we find the right atmosphere to be in a higly intellectual, albeit plaintive at times mood to talk about life and the things we consider worth our time. But last night, the meditative atmosphere we usually enjoy was changed into an air of shock, disgust, flattery, and laughter.

There was this decently clad male homosexual who approached us and said something with a very intimiditating tone. "Gwapo naman ng syota mo." He said it twice. Emy answered, "kami? hindi po kami.." He didn’t believe Emy so I was prompted to talk. Then he talked to me. He was making comments about me yes down to the way I smiled. I began to feel uneasy. And by hapless coincidence, he happened to be friends with the owner of the cafe, and with the owner of the bar in front. I stealthily took my exit while he was interviewing Emy about me. Then when I came back, he asked me if I were interested to join PBB next year. He said he’s some kind of a consultant to talent agencies. and I thought he was about to give his calling card. He said it would be perfect. By that time, I would be 19 he said. He knew I was 18. Maybe he extracted some info about me while he was interviewing Emy. And finally, he left…but promised to be back….

Emy and I talked. I think she was even more worried than me about what was happening. But she took time to contemplate and digest what the consultant was talking about. All I could communicate to her was a blank face.

Then he came back. I could sense he’s intoxicated that moment. He joined us and said things about me. Again, all I could do was to smile. I smiled to everyone. I remained calm. Then he went to a nearby resto, he was conversing with a bunch of people there. A few moments later, they were all looking at us while he was discussing something with them. We remained composed. Then we paid our bill, he approached us again. He again asked my name. He knew that Emy and I frequent the place, maybe he knew it from them. He was looking forward to see us again.

That is one of the maddening situations I’ve ever been into.